If I Could See You Again
by Kiss my Soul
Summary: ALL HUMAN- Bella never know her father, she only knew Phil, who isn't as nice as everyone thinks.
1. Chapter 1

I sat in the car waiting for my parents, Renee and Phil to load the last bags into the car. Phil was going away again, and Renee was devastated to see him leave. I wasn't anywhere near sad. He's not anything near what Renee thinks he is. He hurt me, and always have, always will. But, he is the only father I've ever known, even though I know he's not my dad. But Renee insists that he is. I guess that it's easier for her not to tell me the truth.

Has she even noticed that I don't talk to him? She can be so oblivious at times. She probably thinks that I love him to death.

They talked aimlessly about random topics on the way to the airport. They always did this, to pass the time, or to get extra talking time so they won't miss each other so much. I never payed attention to them. I looked out the window and ignored them.

"Goodbye, Renee. I love you" Phil said to her, giving her a hug and a short kiss.

"See you later Bella," He said to me, giving me a short wave. Then he gave me a quick hug, whispering "I love you. too" in my ear. Just loud enough so only I would know what he ment.

I gave him just as short a wave and a fake smile. You know, that suppressed, forced smile when you happen to be looking at a stranger and they look back. You smile and wave. But that's kind of what he is to me. That stranger in the grocery store 10-items-or-less checkout line. Someone who I wish I didn't know.

~----------~

My mom was staring at me from our couch. She was mad, she knew I didn't like him. But If she knew, she wouldn't believe me. She would believe _him_. Her wonderful husband. No one believed me, I was apparently just the little girl looking for attention.

"You didn't have to be so mean back there Bella." Renee said.

"He was just as bad. I got a 'see you later'. You got 'I love you'."

"Well maybe you would get one too if you weren't so evil to him."

"Hmph."

"Look, Bella. What has he ever done to you to deserve such rude treatment?"

As much as I wanted to tell the truth, I couldn't break her heart like that. So I lie.

"Nothing. I'll be nicer."

"Thank you, sweetie. I have to run some errands. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"OK, mom. I'll be fine"

~---------~

"Mom, dinner is on the table," I said as Renee walked in the door from whatever errands she had to run.

"Oh, how lovely. What's the occasion?"

"Gosh, can't a daughter make dinner for her darling mother?" Of course I wanted something, but it does not need to be assumed.

"Yes. . ." Uh-oh. Mom is getting suspicious. Her imagination is getting the best of her again. She probably thinks that I got into trouble, or need money. Or both.

"OK, I have a question."

"That's what I thought," Renee said, taking a bite, "what is it? Money?"

"Not exactly, something more personal," I said. We both knew very well that I was beating around the bush.

"Well? I don't have all day. Oh, this is very good, Bella. You cook way better than I do." At least _something_ was accomplished today.

Here goes nothing. "Mom, who is my father?"

She dropped her fork, staring at me. I'm sure that she wasn't expecting that question. She didn't say anything. The only noise was the ticking clock on the wall and the occasional car driving past. Eventually she picked up her fork again and resumed eating.

"So, dear, how was school?" she asked innocently. Did she honestly think that she could avoid such a question so easily?

"Mom, It's Saturday." I said. She was trying to drop the subject.

Was he dead? A murderer? Bank robber? "Please, answer my question. I'm 17, I can't go my whole life not knowing who my father is. How long did you think I was going to believe that Phil is my dad? I'm not stupid, I look nothing like him, and you two got married after I was born."

"Plenty of people marry after their first child."

"I look nothing like him, I don't act like him. I don't even _like_ him!"

"Fine. Your father's name is Charlie Swan. He lives in Washington. As far as I know, he lives in the same house, with the same phone number, and works the same job."

"Does he know I exist?"

"No, Bella. I left before he noticed that I was pregnant."

"Why did you leave him?" Now I was just hungry for answers.

"Many reasons. It just wasn't working"

"Did you love him?"

"I did at the time. But I was young. I was even more childish than I am now. Is that it?"

"Yes. Thank you, mom."

"You're welcome sweetie."

Oh, Mom? One more question"

"What more can you ask, silly girl?"

"Can I meet him?"

AN: This is my first fan fiction. And please, don't bash. This is my life, literally. Everything that happens to Bella most likely happened to me. It's only rearranged to fit Twilight.


	2. Chapter 2

"What! Meet him? No way. I'm not letting you."

"Mom, you are being completely unreasonable. When I turn 18, I'll find him anyway, no matter what you say."

"I don't care. As long as you live under my roof, you will obey my rules–"

"What rules, mother? If anything, I set the rules. You never set any boundaries on me! You can't just decide to start now!"

"Isabella. I refuse to argue on this matter. Now, finish your dinner."

"And if I don't want to?"

"Then starve!"

I finished my food in silence, not wanting to talk either. Renee is my mother, but I have the right to see my own father. And she can't take that away from me. She occasionally looked at me, then looked away when I noticed.

I could tell that she didn't like yelling at me, but she was protecting me in her own weird way.

"I'm sorry. I know you want to see him, but I don't feel comfortable letting you."

"It's what I want. You can't keep me from him," I said. I was almost to the point of crying.

"I know, I know. What about your friends?"

"I have none. You should know that."

"Oh. I thought you were friends with that Amanda girl."

"I was. Until she got boobs and joined the cheer leading squad." How does she not know anything about my life? Isn't she supposed to be my mom?

"Well, Amanda is a stupid person. You are a great, beautiful person. "

"You're my mom, you have to say that. So, can I go?"

"Hmm. Let me sleep on it. I'll decide in the morning."

"Ok, I'm going to bed. Night mom."

"Night sweetie."

I stood in the shower, under the hot water. It felt so good, and I didn't want to get out. But Renee would be banging on the door, wanting her turn soon. So I got out and when to bed.

I couldn't get to sleep. I was too excited to see him. I thought of what he looked like, how he acts, and what he likes to do.

_Is he like me? _I thought.

Then I fell asleep, trying to put his face together.

~--------~

"Bella, Bella. Wake up sweet heart"

My mom was shaking me lightly. I woke with a yawn and an over-exaggerated stretch. It was still dark, and I looked at my clock.

3:00 AM. What is her problem?

"I decided to let you meet him."

"Really?" This is already the best day, and its not even light out yet.

"Yes, but that's no guarentee that he will agree to it. I mean, he doesn't even know that you exist. . ."

I ignored Renee's rambling and started to daydream about what he will be like. I hope he agrees to meet me, and if so, I hope that he likes me. What if he doesn't? He might hate me and never wants to see me again in his life. I wonder what its like there. Mom said that he lives in Forks. What kind of town is named after a utinsel? What's that next town over, Spoons? He lives in Washington, so it must be cold. I wonder if he lives anywhere near Seattle, it might be fun to visit there with him. I wonder if it's a small town. It has to be, with a town named Forks. . .I'll have to Google it later.

"Bella, are you listening to me?" Mom said, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Yeah, Mom. I'm listening."

"Good. So, you'll need to pack heavy, its cold there." Bingo. Coldness.

"And it's a very small town, everyone knows everyone and everything that happens. So don't think about any secrets." Double Bingo.

"Ok, mom. Can we talk later? I need some sleep." Not that I could get to sleep, with all this excitement.

Tomorrow, could possibly be the best or worst day of my life by far.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up with the rays of the sun sneaking past my curtains. I heard Renee talking on the phone, most of wich was in a whisper. I walked down the stairs slowly, afraid I was going to trip while she was on the phone with my father. She looked at me and smiled. She was obviously happy, so things must be going well.

I sat on the couch and watched her talk. She said a lot of 'mhms' and' uh-huhs'.

She talked for a while, not that I wasn't used to it. She never talks on the phone when _he _was home. _He _didn't like it. I think he thinks that she's talking about him, or to other men. Which, I could understand. Renee can be a little flirty, but I don't think she even realizes it.

She looked and me and mouthed 'Yes' while nodding. Then she mouthed 'he wants to talk to you' anding the phone to me.

"He-hello," I stuttered.

"Uh. . . hi, Bella. Um, if you l-like you could come and s-stay with me for a w-while." Great, he's just as nervous as I am. This makes this a lot easier. I can't believe this is really happening.

"Yeah. That sounds great. Uh, when should we-when should I go to, I mean, uh--"

"You mother and I have decided next week, right after Christmas. So, if you like it here, you could maybe stay for the rest of the semester."

"OK that sounds great. I guess."

"Yeah. It does.

"So, next week?"

"Yup. Next week."

"OK, great. "

"Well, I have to leave right about now. So I guess I'll see you then?"

"Yeah, OK, see you then."

"Alright. Bye Bella."

"Bye . . . Dad."

Then the line went dead. I turned to my mother. She was happy as possible. I don't think I ever saw her smile with _him_around. But she still says she's happy. I just don't get what she sees in that lying, sneaky piece of nasty scum.

"Well?" Renee was pressing for answeres.

"I'm going right after Christmas, aren't I?

"Well, yes. You'll spend New Year's with him and if you like it, I'll come and drop off some of your things. Visit you guys and leave in the morning. And you'll stay for as long as you like. But hopefully not too long. I'd miss you to much. And I'm sure that Phil would too. I still don't get why you hate him so much--"

"And I dont get why you don't! He's a lying, psychotic sick fuck, and I'm glad I can get away, if he doesn't kill me first!"

"Isabella, watch your language! I will not have you bad mouth my husband, not in my house."

"Fine, then. I'll go outside and do it." I said folding my arms.

Renee huffed and stormed out of the room. Probably going back to her room.

"Whatever" I murmured. And walked in the kitchen. I figured since it was almost Christmas, I'd start baking some cookies to cool down.

While waiting for the cookies to finish, I found myself daydreaming about Charlie and what he would be like. He sounds a lot like me, shy, a little awkward. Then the doorbell pulled me straight out of my daydream.

I answered the door and saw a face I wish I could never see again.

Phil.

"Uh. Hi, Phil, what are you doing home so early?" My day has gone from great to bad to down right horrible.

"Well, Bella, darling," he slivered his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, "I got the holiday off. They sent me home."

He pulled me closer every time a flinched or pulled away. He stopped when Renee came into the room.

"Phil! You're home early! I'm so glad. Please, unpack your things."

I was absolutely sickened. So I left to tend to my cookie. And I went out. I went to Wal-Mart. I always went there when I wanted to avoind them for a while. I was big, so you couldn't find me. And I was alone. And that never happens with them around. I ate at the fast food restaurant down the street, to avoid going home. But I knew I'd face him. I can't avoid him. I never could.

I walked in at about midnight. Renee was fast asleep. She has no ability to stay up late anymore. Her excitement wears her out in the day.

I quietly tiptoed to my room, and if I was lucky, he wouldn't hear me. But he always hears me.

I was sitting on my bed, playing with a Rubik's cube. I was waiting. Waiting for him. I have to, he gets mad if I don't. Soon enough, he walked in, and locked the door behind him.

"You're mother told me you were leaving," he hissed.

"Yes, Phil."

"Phil? What did I tell you to call me?" he said, smacking me.

"Yes, Daddy. I'm sorry."

"How sorry are you?"

"Very sorry, Daddy." He laughed, and the ke kissed me. . .

Then took off my shirt.

Then my pants.

Then my underwear.

And he did what he's been doing to me for the past 7 years.

A/N: I'm so sorry for the lack of update. This chapter was hard for me to get through, without changing the rating to M.


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